What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 04:15
I write beautiful poetry .
It was going to be , some day.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Is having white skin really that attractive?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But it wasn’t much.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Is it wrong of me to feel uncomfortable that my friend thinks my brother is hot?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I think the readers, may guess!
What's wrong with white women?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Should Pete Rose's record as the all-time hits leader be recognized and celebrated?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
When was the first time you felt discriminated against because you were female?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
What do you like about McDonald's?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
What made you recently say to yourself, “Wait. Really?”
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Would this be the day?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
What do you remember that 95% of us have forgotten?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What do you think is the #1 cause of why relationships nowadays don't seem to last long?
I was seconnd youngest,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What is one thing nice you did for someone today or something they did for you?
She married twice! .
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
My life is so biszare .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was scared of men, in general
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
All the time i was locked up.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One cannot live in the past .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We all went to grammer schools
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I will be 64.
And i lived it daily.
I waited trembling.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So whats the point in blame.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
When she asked me how she looked .
He resisted the act ,that day.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My family never makes their pension either.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was 9 years of age.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
This is soul school!.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Comes on , in middle age.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I said to her
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
What did i know ?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I have no regrets .
But, we were locked up after school.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She found it foreign!.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why did i forgive my father ?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She loved him until the end.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
(And it was in our own minds.)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was in good health!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So, i spoilt her more .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Ive learnt so much.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was very sick at this time too.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were not on the streets..
Who then, do I blame.?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He knew the spot.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.